Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Parenting

Like so many others, I often find myself questioning my purpose in life. You'd certainly think that after all these years I'd have figured it out, but I'm convinced that human nature does not allow us to be absolutely sure of such abstract things. However, a series of experiences recently have helped me know at least part of what I was put on this earth to do; my "life purpose" .... and that's to be a parent.

Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT saying I'm the perfect parent - NOT by a long shot!! I just have come to realize I'm good at it; that I relish the thought of it, and take the position very seriously. That wasn't always the case. When my son was born, it kept me up nights wondering if I would be a good dad for him. Then, when his mom and I split up and she moved away taking Harri with her, I really struggled with how to be a "long distance dad". But my dad had been a "long distance dad" too and so I felt I had a good role model to draw from.

Then I met Jackie, and not only did I find the Love of my life, but I was given two beautiful step-daughters to help enrich my parenting life-experience. I could write an entire book on step-parenting, and I may very well do that some day, but for this essay let me just say that nothing can prepare a man for stepping into a household of women. Being the only male in a female-dominated environment is a test few survive. But I must say, I have survived, and come out the other side a better man ... a better human being.

So what did I do that made my parenting turn out so well? I have no clue! No idea at all!! I just know I did the best I could to be there for my kids when they needed me, be it to fix them dinner (yes, I do most of the cooking in our house - a subject for another day), and to understand that no matter what foods they liked last month, this month will demand a whole new menu. I was there to pick them up from a friend's house, or set them straight when they strayed off path. I have come to understand that most of the times I say "No" it doesn't mean a damn thing (because parents just don't understand). I can give advise, but I should expect it to NOT be followed. I can count on one hand the times I have raised a hand to all my kids and to this day I am sure they'd each say they deserved the spanking they got. They also know it hurt me every bit as much as it hurt them.

The thing about being a parent is that you really don't know if you're any good at it until your kids have grown up. Oh, they don't actually come right out and say it, (Well sometimes they do, but it's usually when you hand them cash or a gift they really wanted ...), but there are ways to tell. Mostly you know you've done it right when you look at your kids with a swelling of pride and realize they have become the kind of people you had always hoped they'd become. That's not to say they are exactly the way YOU had envisioned them, but they have become their own individual selves, independent, and capable of making sound decisions on their own.

In the past month I walked Erin down the isle on her wedding day, watched Dani work a job she enjoys, and listened to my son as he made the most adult and responsible decision of his life - on his own. I'm so proud I could just burst. Oh sure ... they've all got a long way to go, but don't we all? And I know my parenting role is not finished yet .... not by a long shot. But these days it's different. These days its more a role of support. My days as a teacher, a mentor, a parent, are done. Now it's time to be Dad ... I think I'm ready.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Class

The following was a piece I wrote for a class on writing memoirs ... Still one of my best stories ....

"The Class"

I'd been divorced six months … alone, but in no way lonely. This had actually been a good time for me … time to reflect … time to get to know myself again. Christmas had come and gone … and a great one it was. I got to have my son Harrison for a few days, and that made the whole holiday for me. By the time I'd returned him to his mother after New Years, I still had $50 of my Christmas bonus burning a hole in my pocket, and decided I needed to do something "educational" with it … a way to start off the new year on the right foot. I found a class on the basics of photography at the local Vo-Tech college, and rationalizing that since I took pictures as part of my job, this would be a good "refresher course" for me to begin my continued education.

Classes began in late January, meeting every Tuesday night at 7 pm for two hours. The course ran eight weeks. That worked out perfect … this was a slow time of year for me, and by the time the class was over, I'd be looking to spend time pursuing more meaningful goals … like fishing every opportunity I could.

First night of class I was feeling good. I was getting out in the community … doing something for myself and not just vegging out in front of the TV. As the other students began to file into the room, it was obvious this was a real "mixed bag" of folk. There were a handful of "Biddies" … those middle aged gals looking for another class to fill their otherwise boring lives, a small group of regular "collegians" trying to add a few more credits to their résumé's, and a few folks like myself … "The Learners" … there because they had an interest in learning more about the subject and themselves.

Let me say this right here and now … I wasn't one of those middle-aged single guys that signs up for a class more for the opportunity to meet a member of the opposite sex than the opportunity to learn something. I was dating plenty … I didn't need another "system" for meeting women. This was going to be one evening a week I exercised my brain instead of my libido. That was the plan anyway … that was before Jackie.

I didn't know her name right away … that took a few weeks. She was one of "The Learners". She came in to class that first night and immediately caught my eye. Oh, she was no raving beauty … she was good looking alright … but "Learners" don't typically come to class looking to impress anybody. She looked much like I did … jeans (with ripped out knees), baggy sweatshirt, no "fixin'" of the hair, and no makeup. She was there to learn what the instructor had to teach … nothing else. But she did have a nice smile, and the biggest brown eyes I'd ever seen. But I was there to learn too … and that's what I kept having to remind myself.

Each week that went by I found myself watching this brown eyed gal across the room more than the instructor. It was eating at me … should I try asking her out, or would that be crass? She probably had no interest in meeting anyone … she was probably married, or had a boyfriend anyway. What the hell was going on with me? I'd never had any trouble approaching women … but then the hay-day of my dating career had been many moons past. Most of the women I'd dated recently were "fix-ups" courtesy of friends, or the occasional "internet connection" (a method I deem deadly … my results into the cyber-dating scene would read like a Steven King novel!).

Those gals never made me nervous, but this one sure did. Three or four weeks into the class and I'd yet to really even speak to the brown eyed wonder that was invading my psyche … until one evening when class started late because the instructor was late and the class room was still locked when everyone arrived. I ended up sitting on the floor outside the classroom, and before I knew it, she was sitting next to me. We struck up a casual conversation … mostly about her kids, a little about her work. I can't recall exactly how it went … I just know I did decipher some key information … her name was Jackie, she was single (divorced), had kids (sounded like two girls), and she was a dental hygienist with an interest in photography. Now I was hooked! I had to find out more … I had to get to know this brown eyed Jackie a little better. It was bugging me … eating at me … I couldn't get her out of my head. The best medicine for this affliction would have to be get it over with … ask her out and find out for sure that she's just another women hell-bent on causing me more headaches … that would be my cure.

I had made up my mind. The following week I'd approach Jackie after class and I'd ask her out … simple … no big deal. As the next Tuesday rolled closer, the more I fixated on this seemingly simple task. I'd asked tons of other gals out before … so what was the deal here? OK, so she had nice dark hair (I've developed a real disdain for blondes by this point in my life), beautiful soft brown eyes, and her hands … oh yeah, her hands. They were graceful, soft (they looked soft anyhow … I hadn't held them yet), and had tastefully manicured nails … long, but not too long, and bare … no polish. Not to sound too weird or anything, but I've always noticed people's hands.

Tuesday finally arrived, and I headed off to class a little earlier than usual (anxious I guess). When I got there, the room was open and empty … it was 6:40pm. Nothing unusual so far … I was usually a bit early, and the first one there. I sat down in my seat near the door, took out my notes from the week previous, and began to fill the time reviewing last weeks lessons. A few moments passed and I noticed I was still alone in the class room. It's now 6:50 pm … still not to concerned … folks should be filing in any minute. I began to rehearse in my head what I'd say to Jackie … how I'd ask her out and even how I'd react if she shot me down. It 's now 6:58 pm. As I glance through the remainder of my notes from the previous week, I noticed a particular entry I made at the bottom of the page and highlighted with an asterisk … "*No Class Next Week".

Embarrassed, and disappointed, I closed my notebook, placed it back in my satchel, put on my jacket, and left the room.

Hopefully next week would go better …….

It did!

The Autumn Transition

The past few days my thoughts have been on the weather; the seasons to be more precise. For most of my life I have lived in parts of the country where the change of seasons is VERY pronounced. Having experienced each season many times I have developed a defined fondness for the transition into fall. After all, the switch from winter to spring (while always welcome) is a sloppy mess, and no one in their right mind would look forward to autumn falling into winter.

The autumnal transition offers so many wonderful sights, sounds and aromas. From my early childhood this time of year meant long drives with Mom and Grandma through the Ozark countryside stocking up on apples, peaches and various berries that were then transformed into these wondrous concoctions like cobbler, jam and a family favorite, Grandma's Apple Butter. The smells emanating from Mom's kitchen back all those years ago stick with me to this day.

For a time my falls were consumed with hunting seasons. I spent 20+ years of autumns chasing pheasants, grouse, geese, ducks, coyotes, deer, and the occasional feral cat. As I've gotten older, fall means a return of football season, great fishing and the return of what I like to refer to as "comfort clothing", ie. sweatshirts, polar fleece jackets and flannel-lined jeans. Temperatures are ideal - no more sweating just standing still, yet it hasn't yet gotten so cold you have to move to keep from freezing.

I love being the only idiot on the golf course on a Saturday morning with the air crisp, the fog light and the dew heavy. There's also something really satisfying about catching monster smallmouth when there's no one else on the water (they're all busy sitting in goose blinds or deer stands).

I think it's inspirational how small town folks rally together every Friday night to cheer their high school football team. That's not even to mention the fever that takes hold here in NE Wisconsin when the Badgers play on Saturday and the Pack take the field on Sunday.

I love the fact that beverage preferences go from cold soda to hot chocolate and apple cider. As a matter of fact, coming full circle, foods and smells from the kitchen once again bring me to more reasons to love autumn. It's a time of year I start making chili again on Sundays, and that along with the waft of various gourmet coffees are some of my favorite smells these days.

Oh yeah, I love watching the leaves change colors signaling the coming of fall ... I just don't like raking them up. Oh well, no one said autumn was the perfect season; it doesn't last nearly long enough, and always ends with winter coming.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Season’s Last Trip


(Originally Printed in the 2009 Fall issue Esox Angler Magazine):

As I write this it’s tough to imagine the bite of a November wind. But the breeze emitting from the air conditioner does feel cool enough to take my mind back to one of those days that get etched in the memory of a fisherman. A trip that forever reminds you why you ever took up the rod and reel in pursuit of the finned game.

For the better part of my life I lived within spitting distance of the Missouri River. A stretch that meandered through the plains of central North Dakota, looking relatively unchanged from the days Lewis and Clark explored its banks and General Custer gazed on its waters from the front porch of his home at Fort Abraham Lincoln. It’s a majestic run of water, in historical significance as well as in the annals of modern day walleye anglers. This is a river constantly on the move … forever changing. Sandbars pop up one day, then disappear the next. Its waters can run high and mighty in the spring and then low and slow come autumn.

My fondest memory of this river was carved during the low and slow period. The leaves were gone; the chill of winter was just around the bend. But the walleyes were anything but cold. The fish were hot; abundant and ready for action, as if they knew this would be the last fishing trip of the season.

A little background first. I was not a native of this river valley, rather a transplant from a state that happens to bare the same name as the river that eventually entranced me. And I was no walleye fisherman … not by any stretch of the imagination. But I knew fishing and I loved the sport. Soon after arriving in this prairie region, I met a fellow angler, Steve that just happened to be one of my new neighbors. Steve was by all accounts a River Rat. He had always fished the river, from the time he could hold a rod. And Steve was a walleye fisherman, wise in the ways of these fish that resided in the moving waters. As far as I was concerned there would be no finer angler to learn from if I was to unlock the secrets this river and these fish held.

So I fished with Steve on the Missouri River as often as I could. We covered the waters from the Dam at Pick City where Steve kept a small trailer for weekend getaways, all the way to the South Dakota border. We vertical jigged walleyes from deep holes and we caught fish trolling stickbaits along shallow sandbar breaks. Steve was versatile in all tactics when it came to these river walleyes and I soaked it all in like a sponge.

As the years went by, my outings with Steve tapered off some. His business got busy and I was starting a family. We both had other friends we fished with but we still kept in touch regularly, after all he only lived a couple houses down the block. So one late fall Wednesday afternoon as I was raking leaves in the yard, Steve happened by to ask what I had planned for that Friday, which just happened to be the day after Thanksgiving. Well I knew I did not want to be amongst the hordes at the mall, so I said I was up for most anything. The weatherman was predicting winter to arrive over the weekend so Steve thought it might be a good time for a fishing trip on the river before he’d be forced to put the boat to rest for the year. I agreed and our plans were set.

That Friday came and the morning met us with cool yet tolerable temps and a few clouds in the sky. It felt like a good day to be on the river. Little did I know just how good this day would be.

We had decided to fish a stretch of the river down stream a few miles that was well known to hold good numbers of walleyes in the fall. As we drove south toward the launch ramp, we passed Fort Abraham Lincoln and I couldn’t help but think as I had many times before, whether Custer had ever caught a walleye on the river during his time here, or if he went to his “Last Stand” never having experienced the bounty this water had to offer.

It was really no surprise as we launched the boat that we were the only rig in the parking lot. This area is full of hard-core outdoorsmen, but between it being late in the fall, a holiday weekend and hunting season, not many were taking advantage of the late fall fishing opportunities. We’d determined that the big “S” turn about two miles up river would be a good starting point for our trip, as it offered plenty of deep water and had historically been good to us in the past. Our first pass we jigged the upper edge of the break and each popped an “eater” fish. But we were not here for “eaters” ... this trip was all about finding the quality walleyes that late fall fishing is known for. A few more passes with the jigs and while we were still catching fish, it was obvious a change was needed if we were to start hitting the right ones.

On the next pass Steve put down the jig stick and picked up his riggin’ rod. “This time through I want to work the deep edge of this and see if they’ll hit steaks instead of burgers” Steve said. This was his way of saying he wanted to rig the hole with big suckers instead of working it with fathead minnows on a jig. I opted to stay with the jig for the time being. By now the clouds were thickening and the air was beginning to feel cooler than when we started.

As was usually the case, Steve’s change in tactics proved to be the winning formula. I actually got the first bite on that pass, but when I set the hook I came up empty. A short ways further into the drift and Steve was into a dandy five pound walleye. “The walleyes are liking the steaks for Thanksgiving I guess” was his response. I stubbornly stuck with the jig one more pass, but after watching Steve catch 2 more nice fish, I too grabbed up the rigging rod.

I’ve always been a fan of the simple slip-sinker live bait rig, but was always more apt to use it in lake situations than in the river. However on this day, the current was minimal and it seemed this stretch was fishing more like a lake than a river. And there was no doubt that the walleyes we were after were much more interested in a four inch sucker swimming just off the bottom than a two inch minnow bounced along on a jig.

Over the next couple hours Steve and I literally had a hay day on those fish. Pass after pass we hooked into one chunky walleye after another. These were fish of quality too, most averaging three to four pounds, but there were several in the five to six pound range that came to the net too. The fishing was so good we never even noticed what the weather was doing. The wind had picked up a bit, the sky was now thick with clouds and overcast, and the temperature was getting downright nippy. But we were busy catching fish and barely noticed. It wasn’t until we were running low on bait that we noticed the first few snow flakes beginning to fall.

“Looks like the winter is coming a day earlier than we expected Steve” I mentioned almost under my breath. “No problem,” Steve came back, “I think we can make a couple more passes on these fish before it gets bad.” And a few more passes we made. The more we fished the more it snowed. The more it snowed, the bigger and more frequent the fish came. By the time we figured we’d better call it a day, it was almost dark and the snow was coming down in a white-out of big fluffy flakes. As Steve fired up the outboard I pushed a two inch blanket of snow off the rod locker to stow away the gear.

The ride back to the ramp was brutal. Snow flakes stung my face like little daggers, and it was only then I began to feel the bite of the November wind. It was tough going too because the snow was coming so heavy now that seeing our way down the river was almost impossible. An uneasy feeling when there are numerous obstacles in the form of things like sandbars, stumps and winding turns one needs to negotiate to get from point “A” to point “B”. We made it back to the ramp just fine though, thanks mostly to Steve’s almost instinctive knowledge of this water.

When I woke the next morning there were twenty six inches of fresh snow on the ground. As I bundled up to head out and shovel the driveway, all I could think about was what a day of fishing we’d had the day before, and I wondered if they’d still be biting today, or even if it would be possible to get a boat in the water now. I never found out. As it turned out that was the last trip of that season … it was also the last time Steve and I fished together. I moved away from the river a few months later. But neither time nor distance will ever dampen the memory of one of the best days walleye fishing I’ve ever had … or likely ever will have.

Where to Begin?

That’s a question I ask myself more often than I care to think about. At the beginning of virtually every project I take on it always starts with “Where to begin?”. I think that’s because I have always found that without a good beginning, most projects never get to their final conclusion … not the desired one anyway. As I take the first steps to Blogger-dom, I want to make sure to kick things off in the right direction.

You may have guessed I'm an instructions kinda guy. We are a rare breed, much outnumbered by those that dive in with both feet, full steam ahead with blinders on. I've tried that path on occasion, like most of the male persuasion flexing their macho-ism, but each of those instances turned out unfavorable. Lessons learned. So now I read the instructions fully before digging in.

But as yet, the only instructions I have discovered on Blogging is to Blog ... to write and keep writing on a regular basis, so that is what I intend to do. My subject matter will reflect my interests, which are many and varied. Many entries will make little sense to anyone but myself, others I hope will be entertaining to many. Some will be past writings, most will be new efforts. Either way, here goes. Hope you enjoy the ride.