Parenting

Like so many others, I often find myself questioning my purpose in life. You'd certainly think that after all these years I'd have figured it out, but I'm convinced that human nature does not allow us to be absolutely sure of such abstract things. However, a series of experiences recently have helped me know at least part of what I was put on this earth to do; my "life purpose" .... and that's to be a parent.

Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT saying I'm the perfect parent - NOT by a long shot!! I just have come to realize I'm good at it; that I relish the thought of it, and take the position very seriously. That wasn't always the case. When my son was born, it kept me up nights wondering if I would be a good dad for him. Then, when his mom and I split up and she moved away taking Harri with her, I really struggled with how to be a "long distance dad". But my dad had been a "long distance dad" too and so I felt I had a good role model to draw from.

Then I met Jackie, and not only did I find the Love of my life, but I was given two beautiful step-daughters to help enrich my parenting life-experience. I could write an entire book on step-parenting, and I may very well do that some day, but for this essay let me just say that nothing can prepare a man for stepping into a household of women. Being the only male in a female-dominated environment is a test few survive. But I must say, I have survived, and come out the other side a better man ... a better human being.

So what did I do that made my parenting turn out so well? I have no clue! No idea at all!! I just know I did the best I could to be there for my kids when they needed me, be it to fix them dinner (yes, I do most of the cooking in our house - a subject for another day), and to understand that no matter what foods they liked last month, this month will demand a whole new menu. I was there to pick them up from a friend's house, or set them straight when they strayed off path. I have come to understand that most of the times I say "No" it doesn't mean a damn thing (because parents just don't understand). I can give advise, but I should expect it to NOT be followed. I can count on one hand the times I have raised a hand to all my kids and to this day I am sure they'd each say they deserved the spanking they got. They also know it hurt me every bit as much as it hurt them.

The thing about being a parent is that you really don't know if you're any good at it until your kids have grown up. Oh, they don't actually come right out and say it, (Well sometimes they do, but it's usually when you hand them cash or a gift they really wanted ...), but there are ways to tell. Mostly you know you've done it right when you look at your kids with a swelling of pride and realize they have become the kind of people you had always hoped they'd become. That's not to say they are exactly the way YOU had envisioned them, but they have become their own individual selves, independent, and capable of making sound decisions on their own.

In the past month I walked Erin down the isle on her wedding day, watched Dani work a job she enjoys, and listened to my son as he made the most adult and responsible decision of his life - on his own. I'm so proud I could just burst. Oh sure ... they've all got a long way to go, but don't we all? And I know my parenting role is not finished yet .... not by a long shot. But these days it's different. These days its more a role of support. My days as a teacher, a mentor, a parent, are done. Now it's time to be Dad ... I think I'm ready.